I’ve been writing blog posts for a while. I would type them up in the notes section of my phone, then sooner or later they would move into my blog drafts. Then they would just sit there because I just couldn’t bring myself to publish them. Your probably thinking why not publish them, grow a pair. In my head they sounded “OK”. Hell, I’ve had my husband proof read them enough for me. Lets just say I’m a little out of practice at typing *LOL* and it making sense since having babies. Apologies if you do find any spelling or grammar issues (I’ll sack my husband), the baby brain is still fuzzy over here. I could on the other hand, probably tell you the story-line and script of pretty much every Disney film. That is pretty much how I spend my days now.
For the last 4 years I have been Mummy. I am very proud of being a mummy but somewhere along the years possibly during one of the sleepless nights or when nursery pick up and drop off became my excitement of the day. I stopped being the funny carefree Caz and became Charlotte’s Mummy. The times I spent talking to friends or even just leaving the house without it being for something other than the Mummy things is few and far between.
Then when I had my second munchkin being on mat leave with two little people 24/7 I found it a major shock, more than I would of ever imagined. I realized that I was only “Mummy”. There was nothing I could call “mine, nothing that I did for myself. I love my kids they are everything to me but I’m not just Mummy and it was getting to the point where I was a dark shadow of my former self.
Then came my New Years resolution, two to be exact. The first one was to be more social, I am really bad at not going out since having children. I feel guilty having “me” time. The second was to start a blog, I have always loved reading, more recently other peoples blogs. I’ve always wrote but not as much since becoming Mummy, but I promised myself it was time I did something for “me”. Having time to myself while the baby sleeps or when they both eventually head to bed at night. I can sit and write out whats been swirling around my head all day. That just maybe out of all of this a new version of Caz will be able to feel more like the original.